Leaving on a jetplane

 

To me this image best represents how I feel, and have been feeling for about three months. 

I was pretty defiant and incredibly determined to make this whole I live alone on the west coast and I'm fine thing work when I was first diagnosed. Some of you reading this are nodding your head, because you were specifically part of those conversations. And I'm guessing others of you have certainly heard this by now.

Of course, when I first was diagnosed I had a terminally ill dog in my life and for obvious reasons, wasn't going anywhere unnecessarily. 

But that is only part of the reason. The other was sheer determination not to let anything else get in the way of my career, or to lose the life I had decided was for me.

Today, I'm officially making my way back - a day I have been anxiously and eagerly anticipating for weeks. 

It's finally here. I've sorted through everything, selling it, donating it, or boxing it up. I've turned services off, closed accounts, shipped my car, officially changed my address (why do they charge you to do that?) and squeezed as much as I can into suitcases to head....home.

Tonight, I will sleep in the one place that over the last nine months has allowed me to truly rest. Eat dinner with my family. And wake up the next day knowing there's no return ticket.

So why does this image feel so perfect to express how I am feeling in this moment...

Because I am putting my whole heart - that feels lit up with joyous anticipation - firmly into the hands of those who I know will hold it carefully and help me shine.